after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
