He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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