KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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