I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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