so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
