Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just threw up on my dentist
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
