I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
