Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
