Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
