chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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