Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
