I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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