Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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