I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is Oprah even human
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
