She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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