i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
