I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
