if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
