"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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