D3 body, D1 cock
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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