The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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