the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
