I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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