Can Purell be used as lube?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
