The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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