I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
