I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
