i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My ass is underappreciated
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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