My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
