dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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