I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
