so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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