I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
