Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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