Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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