and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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