please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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