Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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