I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize