Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
