i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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