Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
