She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
