put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Found the puke drawer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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