who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
