I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
