every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
