so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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