Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
