the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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