one two three fourrrrnication!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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