Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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