She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
