if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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