I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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