I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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