i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
