My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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