she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
