It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
