It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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