sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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