Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
