My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
