I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
