her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
